There's something about a pregnant women - you can't help but look. I used to stop and stare at pregnant women with a pang of jealousy and think I can't wait for my time to be pregnant. It looked so lovely to be waddling around with a big bump which contained your little bundle of joy kicking away inside so when I fell pregnant I could not WAIT to get my bump! And it didn't disappoint, I loved being pregnant... to begin with!
I was on my own when I found out I was pregnant as my husband was working away in the States. I couldn't believe it when I was staring at those blue lines. I had to text my husband to ask him to call me so that I could tell him over the phone. I had imagined that we would find out I was pregnant together and have one of those huge hugs whilst I would be squealing with excitement but instead I was squealing with excitement on my own with the cats staring at me quizzically (little did they know that they had 9 months of attention before being demoted in the attention ranks of the household!).
I think I had about 5 minutes of excitement before I started worrying about everything as I knew nothing... what could I eat/not eat from now? could I still do poos or would the baby fall out? Oh b8gg8r, I had 3 glasses of champagne, 2 glass of wine and 2 G&Ts at that wedding yesterday - have I pickled my baby?
I lay aside my worries temporarily and calculated my dates and worked out that 14 June was the big day for us! It sounded like such a lovely day too. Next I downloaded the Baby Centre app which told you what your baby looked like each week and I devoured all the pictures with glee. I even later downloaded it on one of my friend's phones as I wanted everyone to be a part of what was going on inside me although that did lead to lots of questions about why my un-pregnant friend had a pregnancy app on her phone.
It was like having the best secret in the world - it felt so special and I was so excited I wanted to scream it aloud... IM PREGNNNAAAAANNT! I know we had to wait to the 12 week scan though to make sure everything was ok, which it was. Watching a little bean with arms and legs kicking away reduced me to a tearful wreck at that first scan.
I was extremely lucky to begin with as I didn't get any morning sickness - just the extreme tiredness in the early stages when your body is adjusting to growing this amazing new life inside you and 8.30 was my bedtime for about a month.
I still remember vividly the first little flutter of movement and how excited I felt. It was amazing how quickly those little flutters became proper kicks - literally within a matter of weeks I was getting pummelled inside. I loved watching the ripples of movement across my bump wondering what the little being inside would be like.
Despite being a control freak in all other aspects of my life, I really didn't want to know what the sex was which amazed and frustrated everyone else who wanted to know. I wanted it to be a surprise and I wanted that moment when the baby arrived when the midwife would say "its a boy!" or "its a girl!". Deep down I also secretly wanted a boy first and I was worried that I would be disappointed at the scan if it was a girl, whereas I knew that if I waited until the birth I really wouldn't care either way as I would have fallen deeply in love with my baby.
When my bump started getting to be quite prominent I started worrying about stretch marks and decided to be proactive. I had gotten a lot of stretch marks during puberty and hated them so I didn't want any more thank you very much. I decided a regime of rubbing of bio oil and vaseline intensive moisturiser onto my stomach twice a day should do the trick. Sadly not - I think if I sat in a bath of bio oil every day for 9 months it wouldn't have made any difference. I am testament to the fact that you either get them or you don't, I don't think it makes any difference what you do - it's down to your genes.
At the time when I had my bump though I didn't mind so much as I would stare in adoration of my growing bump. In fact everything was great... until 34 weeks! It coincided with my starting maternity leave and boy am I glad I started it then.
Firstly there came the aching hips and thighs at night time from lying on one side or the other, which would wake me up. I couldn't wait to get up in the morning - as soon as it was 6 am I was up!! So much for lots of rest in the weeks leading up to the due date, I hated bed! At the same time our sofa slowly disappeared whilst an ever growing mound of cushions appeared which I used to wedge myself in.
Then the waddle and the rocking. Neither could I walk faster than a tortoise nor I stand still for more than 2 minutes before having to rock from side to side to soothe my aching back, failing which I'd just have to sit down wherever I was - be that in the middle of the pets aisle in Asda or anywhere else!
Then came the Farmer Giles - I was so naive I didn't even know what they were and couldn't work out why it was so painful to sit down all of a sudden. I googled them and clicked on the images - knowing full well that I shouldn't be doing it and well, I was proved right as I lived to regret looking at the pictures. Anyway they were an unpleasant experience which I have now filed in the "let's forget that ever happened" box next to the "sh@t happens" box in the recesses of my increasingly vacant mind.
Next the NHS graphs and textbook measurements which my bump didn't conform to. I freely admit it - I was huge but despite putting on the average weight of 3 stone, I measured 4 weeks bigger than I "should" have been according to the extremely subjective current tape measure test used by midwives. I got sent for lots of extra growth scans which just ended up in my getting frustrated by the interference in what I felt was a time when you just needed to trust your body.
On top of all that my extremities were swelling beyond recognition - my rings no longer fitted and even my trusty Birkenstocks were leaving indentations in my puffy feet when I took them off.
Lastly there was the waiting - when would it happen? would it ever happen or would I end up the star of one of those Sky shock documentaries - "The Woman Who Never Gave Birth".
In retrospect I think all of that is necessary to make you want to push that baby out when the time comes! Although I loved the first and second trimesters, I was well and truly ready to have my body back to myself by the end. Pregnancy truly is an amazing experience though - our female bodies have so much capability and can sustain so much strain on them which we have no concept of until we put them to the test. I now have a new found respect for my body which I never had before.
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