There's nothing like it. I've felt guilty when a new scratch has appeared on Josh's face overnight.. if only I'd cut his nails yesterday he wouldn't have scratched himself. In fact I'm sat in bed right now feeling incredibly guilty that he has some nappy rash which wasn't there earlier today. You're told not to use nappy rash cream all the time so I only used it when necessary - although from now on it's going to be slathered on every time I change his nappy! What am I going to be like when he is properly ill or when I accidentally clonk him on the head whilst putting him in his car seat (which is going to happen as have had a couple of near misses already)? What about the dreaded return to work question as well - if I go back to work and he hurts himself, how am I going to feel if I'm not there to cuddle and comfort him?
When you carry a baby inside you for 9 months, it becomes such an integral part of you - you're more aware of this little being that kicks and wriggles around inside than you are of your own vital organs. You become its protective bubble wrap and that feeling has certainly never stopped since Josh was born and I'm guessing it never will. If one of those bubbles has popped and that protective wrapping has failed in anyway then the guilt comes flooding in. It must come down to coping strategies - I'll just have to find a way to "man up" to get through the rest of my lifetime as a guilt ridden mum.
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